Battle
by M3535
Summary: Sirius and Remus do a song lyric battle - not rap - and disgust James and Peter along the way. Oneshot.


**A/N: I really hope you like this one. It was great fun writing it, although it did take a hell of a lot of research (phew)!**

**I am aware that some of the songs are written after the Marauders were at Hogwarts, so it isn't technically "historically correct".**

* * *

><p>Sirius is in a great mood this morning. It's spring, it's weekend, the sun is shining, and he's in love. The object of his affection is sitting cross-legged on his bed very much concentrating on the book he is reading. Sirius thinks that he should pay attention to him rather than a stupid book. So he decides to put on a bit of the infamous Sirius-charm. He starts singing:<p>

.

_"I would fly to the __**moon**__ and back if you be..._

_If you be my baby_

_I've got a ticket for a world where we, we belong_

_So would you be my baby?"_

_._

He leans in towards Remus and flutters his eyelashes. Remus gives him a peck on the cheek and starts reading again.

Not at all being satisfied with that, Sirius tries another song:

.

_"__**Moon River**__, __**Moon River**__, wider than a mile_

_I'm crossin' you in style some day_

_Old dream maker, you heartbreaker_

_Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way"_

_._

"Good thing you are a talented wizard, so you don't have to pursue a career in singing," comments a bespectacled boy who is sitting on the floor playing wizard's chess with a small chubby blonde.

"Bullocks," says Sirius, "I'm a least as good as that Frank Sinistra guy."

"Sinatra." Remus corrects him. "And no, you are not as good as he is, although you ARE much cuter."

"If you're so smart, why don't YOU give it a go, then?" pouts Sirius.

"OK," says Remus and sings part of another Sinatra song:

.

_"A heart that's true, there are such things_

_A dream for two, there are such things_

_Someone to whisper darling you're my __**guiding star**_

_Not caring what you own but just what you are"_

_._

Sirius eyes a challenge and continues with more 'moon lyrics' :

.

_"Boom, boom, boom_

_Even brighter than the __**moon, moon, moon**_

_It's always been inside of you, you, you_

_And now it's time to let it through"_

_._

Remus puts down his book and is quiet for a minute, considering whether to pick up on the challenge or not. He chooses to give it a go:

_._

_"You must be my __**lucky star**_

'_cause you make the darkness seem so far_

_And when I'm lost you'll be my guide_

_I just turn around and you're by my side_

_Come on shine your heavenly body tonight_

'_cause I know you're gonna make everything all right"_

_._

James and Peter have given up on their chess game and watch the show being played out in front of them.

Sirius continues:

.

_"Baby, you can drive my car_

_Yes I'm gonna be a __**star**_

_Baby, you can drive my car_

_And maybe I'll love you"_

_._

He makes it very clear to everyone, that _drive my car_ is to be understood as a metaphor.

Remus decides to up the challenge a notch:

.

_"It's time to shine and make_

_All your dreams come true_

_You wish upon a __**dog star**_

_Wish upon a __**dog star**__"_

_._

"WOW," cheers Peter, "double up - both _dog_ AND _star_!"

"Don't wet yourself, Wormtail," says James.

Sirius thinks that he can do better than that, and now he even remembers another Sinatra song:

_._

_"Fly me to the __**moon **_

_Let me play among the __**stars**_

_Let me see what spring is like _

_On Jupiter and Mars _

_In other words, hold my hand _

_In other words, baby, kiss me"_

_._

Singing the last line, he grabs Remus' hand theatrically and kisses him on the mouth.

"Have you guys any idea how cheesy this is?" groans James.

"Why, what on earth do you mean, Mr. Potter?" Sirius asks.

_._

_"Play with fire_

_Be insane_

_It's a danger game_

_Cast aside_

_A guiding __**star**__ leads the way_

_**Sirius - Sirius"**_

.

Remus sings and smirks.

"Hey, that's not fair!" cries Sirius. "There are no songs with the name _Remus_ in them!" He frowns and thinks hard for a short while. He decides to give the game a little twist, and sings while shaking his hips shamelessly, latino-style:

_._

_"Oh boy, I can see your body moving_

_**Half animal, half man**_

_I __don't, don't really know what I'm doing_

_But you seem to have a plan"_

_._

James and Peter roll on the floor kicking and laughing.

Sirius treats them with a little extra dance, shaking his bum disturbingly close to Peter's face.

Remus slowly crawls across his bed on all fours in Sirius' direction, while continuing in a suggestive tone:

_._

_"Baby's back, dressed in __**black**_

_Silver buttons all down his back _

_High low, tippy toe _

_He broke the needle and he can sew _

_**Walking the dog **_

_just a __**walking the dog**_

_If you don't know how to do it _

_I show you how to __**walk the dog"**_

.

"Is it just me, or is this game moving from sweet and innocent to lewd?" asks James.

Sirius ignores the question and sings:

.

_"Everybody here is out of sight _

_they don't __**bark**__ and they don't __**bite**_

_they keep things loose, they keep it tight _

_everybody's dancing in the __**moonlight**__"_

_._

Peter claps his hands and says: "Very apt with the _bark _and _bite_!"

" - And _tight_," grins Sirius

"Aaaaargh! Too explicit!" yells James.

.

_" I try to understand what is eating you _

_I try to stay awake but its 58 hours since that I last slept with you _

_What are we coming to? _

_Blame it on the __**black star**_

_Blame it on the falling sky "_

_._

Sings Remus.

"Hey!" Sirius exclaims, "It hasn't been 58 hours! And you can't blame me . _I_ always -"

"TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION!" shouts James.

.

_"I saw the __**werewolf**__, and the __**werewolf **__was crying_

_How I loved the man, as I teared off his clothes_

_Cryin' nobody know, nobody knows my pain_

_When I see that it's risen; that __**full moon**__ again_

_For the __**werewolf**__, for the __**werewolf**__ has sympathy_

_For the __**werewolf**__, somebody like you and me._

_And only he goes to me, man this little flute I play_

_All through the night, until the light of day, and we are doomed to play"_

_._

"Did you like the little flute metaphor, Prongs?" Sirius winks at James.

"I'm just glad you didn't actually start tearing off his clothes..."

"Very nice, Padfoot" Remus nods, clearly impressed."But..." he continues, "I think I can beat you in the number of different relevant words:"

_._

_"Boom, light that fire. __**Howl, howl, howl**_

_Deergod's eyes_

_Wild music of the hoof playing in big fire. _

_Boom, light that fire. __**Howl, howl, howl**_

_**Lunatic**__ night rises_

_Sonic of the __**moon**__ flips them inside out_

_Sonic of the __**moon**__ lifts us to higher_

_You got to rouse now. How, how, how? _

_Be a __**Sirius star**_

_Revive your fire. Now, now, now_

_We have __**wolf minds**_

_Knock your door of the minds hard to wake them up_

_**Bark to the moon**__ loud. Shout, shout, shout_

_Make a wish come true"_

_._

"I'm getting _roused_, all right. And I _definitely_ want to make your wish come true..." Sirius smirks. "Except - I didn't much like the way you sneaked references to Prongs into the equation..."

"ME EITHER" cries James. "I will have no part in your dirty little game!"

"_I_ didn't write the lyrics," Remus defends himself.

"All right," says Sirius, "this is my best and final entry:"

.

_"The 28th day, he'll be bleeding again_

_And in __**lupine**__ ways we'll alleviate the pain_

_It is his __**moon time**__, when there's iron in the air_

_A rusted essence, man, may I know you're there_

_Hey __**wolf moon,**__ come cast your __**spell**__ on me_

_Don't spill a drop dear, let me kiss the __**curse**__ away_

_Yourself in my mouth, will you leave me with your taste? _

(At this point in the song Peter and James utter cries of horror)

_Beware the woods at night, beware the __**lunar**__ light_

_So in this gray haze, we'll be meeting again_

_And on that great day, I will tease you all the same"_

_._

James jumps up, seeing that Sirius has grabbed Remus by the collar and the two of them staring hungrily at each other.

"Wormtail, I think this is our cue to GET OUT OF HERE!"

The two boys race out of the dormitory, slamming the door shut behind them.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>

**- Characters are borrowed from J. K. Rowling**

**- Lyrics are borrowed from following songs and artists:**

_To the Moon and Back - _Savage Garden

_Moon River - _Frank Sinatra

_There Are Such Things - _Frank Sinatra

_Firework - _Katy Perry

_Lucky Star - _Madonna

_Drive My Car - _The Beatles

_Wish Upon a Dog Star - _Sattelite Party

_Fly Me to the Moon - _Frank Sinatra

_Sirius _- Clannad

_Hips Don't Lie - _Shakira

_Walking the Dog _- The Rolling Stones

_Dancing in the Moon Light -_ King Harvest

_Black Star - _Radiohead

_Werewolf - _Cat Power

_Siriustar - _Deerhoof

_Wolf Moon - _Type 0 Negative

**I have taken the liberty to alter she to he a few places for obvious reasons**


End file.
